The Food Pyramid
by:
Bob Wood
Just a few calories ago, the government
revised the food pyramid. You can see it at
http://www.mypyramid.gov/
It has a snazzy new logo with a stick
figure dashing up the Steps To a Healthier You
on the side of the pyramid. It’s supposed to
be in better tune with our complicated modern
life, the latest Scientific Thought, and
reflect a customized pyramid which better fits
our lifestyle, not that there’s anything wrong
with that. They have an animation, a
mini-poster for the art-impaired, and, “a
wealth of ideas to help you get started to a
healthier diet.”
In better tune – with modern life? Then why
a pyramid? Isn’t that Egypto-elitist? Doesn’t
that perhaps reflect a suspect cash infusion
from the travel industry? How many people will
EVER run up a pyramid? And if they do, why
aren’t they carrying a six pack of bottled
water? “Water, the Almost Food.” Because the
water lobby is weak, that’s why.
See, that’s what’s wrong with government –
no big thinkers. All around us we see sellouts
and commercialization: Product placement;
Endorsements; Co-promotions; Synergism! But
does the government see this? Noooo. Instead
of cribbing money from this or that
entitlement program, why not some good old
entrepreneurship in our leadership! What do
you think McDonalds would pay to have that
stickfigure run up the GOLDEN ARCHES?
But I wonder if the department of food
thought this through? There could be a
stickfigure of a mom in a stick minivan (note:
sell van logo) or a guy carrying a laptop
(note: sell computer logo) racing to catch a
train (note: place Amtrak logo), while talking
on his cellphone (note: sell cellphone logo).
Boggles the mind, doesn’t it? THINK of the
monetization possibilities which could all go
to reducing the budget deficit!
And while we are free-thinking here, why
not go wild and sell advertising space on the
one, five and ten dollar bill? Some court is
going to strike down In God We Trust anyway.
Consider: “Reach Out and Touch Someone –
AT&T.” Wouldn’t they pay a billion for umpteen
gazillion impressions? And here’s the best
part – those bills have a limited lifetime.
The treasury is ALWAYS taking old worn out
ones out of the supply and printing new ones.
How many OTHER advertisers would wait in LINE?
What do you think Target would pay to replace
that odd eye and triangle with the Target logo
bullseye? And why show an old building on the
rear of the $10? Why not show the latest Las
Vegas resort? Keep the Eagle. What do you
think PETSMART would pay for a little banner?
But back to the Food Pyramid. Why not
monetize “calories”? What would McDonalds pay
to change the word to “McNutrients?”
Of course, we’d need an Office of
Promotional Tie-In. I think $500,000,000 would
get it kick started. Hey, why do we need
zeros? They could just as well be tiny Target
logos.
